For every woman or girl that deals with heavy menstrual cycles, THIS IS FOR YOU.
You are not broken! You are not damaged! You are not dirty! I see you and I send prayers of comfort on those days where you feel like you must choose between your dignity and staying at work, an event, anything/anywhere.
Transparent moment: I have dealt with heavy bleeding for 26 years. From having to return home after walking three blocks, to missing out on events because I was sitting too long, to not making it to the bathroom in time before my pad abandoned its post and my legs bore the evidence.
I can share the countless stories, but I'll share about today. My menstrual was expected on June 13. I was “prepared” for it because I was scheduled to work from home. Instead, it came on June 7. I wasn't prepared because I knew my travel was almost 2 1/2 hours each way for work. This morning, out of fear and in an effort to maintain dignity, I put on 3 pads. Sounds crazy, right, but thank God for that 3rd one. Putting on 3 pads made me sad. It triggered some emotions and built on what I felt from the day before and I couldn't stop crying while at work; I’ve never done that. Sometimes it feels like my body betrays me. Every month, I feel like my daily functioning and routine is held hostage. Today, I tried to push it all down, suck it up, deal with it, but I felt like I was drowning.
When talking with the director about the classes I was scheduled to train, he asked was I ok. I instinctively replied yes. As I fumbled with the paper and tried to choke back the tears, he snatched the paper out of my hand, told me to sit down and take a moment. He proceeded to get another trainer, told me to take the day, that he'd still pay me, and they had it from there. In an effort to prove that I was committed to the work, to not fit the narrative that women are weak and need to take time off every single month, I would’ve stayed. Thank you to him because in that moment I was trying to prove something when I should’ve been tending to self.
The shame attached to having a heavy menstrual is exhausting. Messing up pants is exhausting. Missing out on things is exhausting. Thinking of getting married and having this issue is exhausting. Remember what it felt like when I laid in the bed with a partner and had an “accident”. EXHAUSTING. The anxiety is exhausting.
THIS MORNING WAS TOUGH, and I give myself permission and grace to say that out loud. I am not broken! I am not damaged! I am not dirty! I still believe the Lord for a complete healing for me and all of you. Stay encouraged. Don’t silence your truth.